The main ingredient

I don’t believe there is anything that Tim enjoyed more than entertaining in our home. When there was an occasion that called for it, or even a desire to gather friends for no particular reason, the meal planning began.

I think our circle of friends will attest that when you received an invitation to an event at the Olenic house, you didn’t turn it down. Everyone knew that Tim would never put out food ONLY to satisfy a guest’s appetite. There would be love on the plate.

Tim would mull over menu ideas for weeks. It took me more than a few years to learn that he would never end up serving anything from his original plan. I also knew that this was one area where my assistance wasn’t needed or wanted. My tendency was to simplify, and if I would even hint that he should do that, he would firmly say, “you are squashing my creativity.”  

On the day of a dinner party, the menu was usually final. Tim would do the shopping and then spend the entire day in the kitchen. He would always serve the best of the best. And it was normal for there to be an ingredient you rarely ate at home, or a spice or herb you had never heard of. Who remembers when fennel pollen was on the list of ingredients?! There would be nothing simple. But I knew the main ingredient was always love.

Learning about food and cooking from Tim was impossible to avoid and there are quite a few tips that have stuck with me:

- Buy onions and lemons every time you go to the store – you should never be without!  

- Good kitchen tongs are the most versatile kitchen tool! (I have eight!)

- Fresh herbs, grow them and use them, generously, in every meal!

- Have quality, well weighted, knives and keep them sharp!

- If you’re lookin’, you ain’t cookin’ - stop peaking and causing the temperature to vary.

- High end cookware will last a lifetime and makes a huge difference in cooking food evenly. (I have inherited from Tim three sets of copper pots and pans and an entire cabinet of Les Creuset stoneware.)

Even with all that Tim taught me in the kitchen, I still default to keeping it simple. No frills. Nothing time consuming.  That’s just my way, and it’s true for me with other things in life besides cooking.

I like to walk, run, and hike. All I really need are the right shoes. Tim liked activities that required real equipment. Downhill skiing. There is a lot to lug around and the effort to even get where you are going can be complicated. Golf. Tee times and more equipment. In fact, he had three sets of clubs at one point. Even biking. Tim had three bikes, while I had just one. And disc golf.  Tim had 17 discs.  I had two.

There is more than one way to do most anything. And just because something feels right or even tastes good to one person doesn’t mean it’s the correct recipe to follow.  I am in the company of people, pretty regularly, who are grieving and also people who are putting together plans for end of life. I do a lot of listening. I also get asked questions. How did you do it? How would you do it?

I know there isn’t a special concoction for grieving. The measurements and cooking times vary greatly. There is also not one way to spend your last few months of life or to relieve burdens from family members who will be left grieving.  I would say there is a simple recipe we could all use as a guide, and there are some key ingredients. I can’t promise that the taste will not be bitter. But, no matter what your recipe, I hope the main ingredient will be love. And that will certainly make all of it a little sweeter.

‍